The Band are...

Freak

"Have you taken McLeave of
your senses?"
Freak is the words guy and singer.
A failed guru with inflated ideas of
his own divinity, his God-status was revealed to him during a psychotic episode in 1978 and subsequently confirmed by the mushroom man he met on an astral plane to somewhere. Freak will not listen to any recorded music except his own; he allows no CDs, tapes or vinyl in his presence in case it disrupts his delicate aura. Cynics say this simply reflects his own insecurity, but he continues to deny all allegations, claiming that he likes nothing better than to curl up in front of an open fire with a book of 19th century poetry...



Geoff

"Bothy ballads my arse!"
Geoff, who sings second vocals and plays eclectic guitar, is a survivor of Satanic abuse. Even now he grows hair on his palms and howls at the moon (even in daylight) when he hears the opening bars of Slayer's South of Heaven. Which is every day, before breakfast. He fled the Nottingham Satanic ring which captured him as a child to seek solace in the primitive wilds of North East Scotland. Unlucky. He was caught by Doric slave traders, and the band subsequently purchased him at Stonehaven Feein' Market for 100 guineas. The rest, as they say, is history...

Kim

"That's more than you need to know."
Kim, aka Riot Grrl, has changed a lot over the last few months. The rest of the band, being extremely accepting people, have of course dealt with Kim's recent announcement and even more
recent sex change operation with good grace, and are trying very hard not to ask how the op has managed to affect the size of her feet.
Kim is happy in her new status as a man, has changed her name by deed poll, and now wishes to be known as Stuart.

Ok, ok, so maybe that's not entirely true.
After many years playing kicking bass for Zephyr, Kim has decided to step aside and pursue other interests. She will be sadly missed, and we wish her all the luck in the world with her future endeavours. Even if she has the op.



Ken

"The best thing for killing goblins is a sharp stick."
Ken is the band's electronics 'fixer'. He never plays the same drums for any two songs because the brain of his Roland Megabux state-of-the-art drumkit is afflicted with the 21st Century 'too much choice' syndrome. Ken is ostensibly the drummer in the band, but as he is far too intelligent to be a drummer this is obviously a front. Following his own hidden agenda, he has carried out cyber-surgery on the other members of the band while they were in a drugged stupor, thereby gaining control of what is left of their bodies and minds. In this way Mr. K will challenge the world...

Stuart

"They're evil I tell ya... evil. You can see it in their eyes..."
Discovered chewing on the remnants of a long dead squirrel during the Siberian leg of the HZ world tour, Stuart seemed the ideal creature to adopt as the band pet. Over the
dark months of winter, he started exhibiting odd behavioural symptoms (partial insanity, loss of the ability to recognise any numbers beyond 4)... these traits, although disturbing, made him the perfect candidate, when the time came, to become the new bass player. Be warned though... much as he's now toilet trained and mostly under control, it is still less than advisable to get any of your limbs near his mouth.